Reclaim Conservatism

Sorry for the past few days, had some things to do with the family. Family comes first before blogging.   And I got this via email, we can all use some laughs.

Washington , DC – Congress is considering sweeping legislation that
will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No
Abilities Act (AWNAA) is being hailed as a major legislative goal by
advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or
ambition.

‘Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society,’ said California Senator Barbara Boxer. ‘We can no longer
stand by and allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to
grant special favors to a small group o f workers, simply because
they have some idea of what they are doing.’

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Majority Leader Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success
of the U. S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of
providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately
74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this
agency the single largest U. S. employer of Persons of Inability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry
(68%), and home improvement ‘warehouse’ stores (65%). At the state
government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an
excellent record of hiring Persons of Inability (63%).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
‘middle man’ positions will be created, with important-sounding
titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory
sense of purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given
so as to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable
employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to
corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of
Inability into middle-management positions, and gives a tax credit
to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires.

Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more
difficult to discriminate against the Non-abled , banning, for
example, discriminatory interview questions such as, ‘Do you have
any skills or experience that relate to this job?’

‘As a Non-abled person, I can’t be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them,’ said Mary Lou Gertz , who lost
her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint ,
Michigan , due to her inability to remember rightey tightey, lefty
loosey. ‘This new law should be real good for people like me,’ Gertz
added. With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other
untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Senator Dick Durban (D-IL): ‘As a Senator with no abilities, I
believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be
extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as
lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of
his or her adequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this
great nation and a good salary for doing so.’